I do not like Halloween. There, I admit it – so sue me!
That said, I have kids - Trick or Treat participation is NOT optional. Hubby, God love him, is the Designated Chaperon, hanging the required 20 paces behind, Maglite in hand as the gaggle of sugar seekers beg our neighbors for repeat dental visits.
I oversee home distribution duties, and to offset the holiday hatred, I long ago developed a sliding scale for candy generosity; the time has come to share.
1. Thou shall wear a costume – A baseball hat does not make you Derek Jeter. Bite Size Baby Ruth.
2. Honor thy doorbell etiquette – Once, is enough. More than that, Bite Size Dots.
3. Thou shall be age appropriate – If you have facial hair, stay home. Raisins
4. Honor thy common sense – 6 yr. olds should not look like adult film stars. Smarties.
5. Thou shall be spooky – Be scary! Witches, zombies, vampires – Full Size Twix!
6. Honor thy safety – Carry a flashlight and wear bright clothes – Reese's!
7. Thou shall be polite – If you say "Trick or Treat" – Milky Way! (Thank you - extra!)
8. Thou shall TAKE ONE! – Reach into the Trough-o-Candy politely – Full Size Snickers.
9. Honor thy hour – After 9 (and that’s pushing) go home! Before 8 – Peppermint Patty!
10. Thou shall STOP Trick or Treating when treat bag requires forklift! You’re done, go home, count your loot, eat the permitted one piece and sneak 4 more when Mom is not looking - you know you will!
Happy Halloween! (Bring on November 1st!)