Thursday, October 27, 2011

10 Commandments of Trick or Treat

I do not like Halloween. There, I admit it – so sue me!

That said, I have kids - Trick or Treat participation is NOT optional. Hubby, God love him, is the Designated Chaperon, hanging the required 20 paces behind, Maglite in hand as the gaggle of sugar seekers beg our neighbors for repeat dental visits.

I oversee home distribution duties, and to offset the holiday hatred, I long ago developed a sliding scale for candy generosity; the time has come to share.

1. Thou shall wear a costume – A baseball hat does not make you Derek Jeter. Bite Size Baby Ruth.

2. Honor thy doorbell etiquette – Once, is enough. More than that, Bite Size Dots.

3. Thou shall be age appropriate – If you have facial hair, stay home. Raisins

4. Honor thy common sense – 6 yr. olds should not look like adult film stars. Smarties.

5. Thou shall be spooky – Be scary! Witches, zombies, vampires – Full Size Twix!

6. Honor thy safety – Carry a flashlight and wear bright clothes – Reese's!

7. Thou shall be polite – If you say "Trick or Treat" – Milky Way! (Thank you - extra!)

8. Thou shall TAKE ONE! – Reach into the Trough-o-Candy politely – Full Size Snickers.

9. Honor thy hour – After 9 (and that’s pushing) go home! Before 8 – Peppermint Patty!

10. Thou shall STOP Trick or Treating when treat bag requires forklift! You’re done, go home, count your loot, eat the permitted one piece and sneak 4 more when Mom is not looking - you know you will!  
Happy Halloween! (Bring on November 1st!)


Bethany C. said...

OH MY GOODNESS! That might be my favorite post of all time. From anyone--EVER! BRILLIANT!

Kathryn Elliott said...

Hey there, Bethany! Glad to bring a giggle. 10 inches of snow expected in CT for Halloween – my hatred grows!

Anonymous said...

I'm not fond of trick or treating. In fact we turn off all the lights and disappear during prime t&t time. However, I adore the opportunity to dress up and act silly. That may have something to do with the fact that I don't have kids. I can't imagine the pressure of appropriately costuming them year after year.

Anita Grace Howard said...

LOL! Wonderful. I think we should all print this off and post it on our doors.

EEK. I hope you don't get that snow. At least unitl AFTER Halloween. And your husband deserves a few extra kisses for his chaparoning duties. ANd I ain't talking hershey's, baby.

Thanks for the laughs, Kathryn!

Kathryn Elliott said...

Hi Jayne & Anita! Sorry for the delay in thx. I am in the heart of Snowmagedon aka Powerlosspalooza in CT. No electric since Sunday - and not expected anytime soon. No school for a week, and I've already finished all the wine and Halloween candy. Desperate times. I'm wondering if my Halloween rant brought on the snow? Nah - I don't have that much power. :-)