Landscape-a-palooza

When we first moved into our home my husband and I went on a, (how do I phrase this…) frenzied landscaping binge. Like a lot of new homeowners, we picked the pretty stuff with labels marked HEARTY. (Hearty=Hard to Kill.) No thought, no planning, just plants we liked and couldn’t massacre; what could go wrong?

Um, lots; learn from my mistakes.

Mistake one – Plants grow; allow for them to do so. Never place anything creeping next to something spreading. Visual aide – think of a weird Thanksgiving table where the grabby-handsy uncle sits next to the big boned visiting cousin; creepy and spreading – bad neighbors, encroaching on each other’s space in icky ways.

Mistake two – Perennials come back every year UNLESS planted within 10 circular feet of basketball hoops or swing sets; aka the Ring of Death.

Mistake three – Never prune angry. Hedge trimmers and rage are not a good mix.

Mistake four – Dog poop is just poop, not fertilizer. Do not assume becuase Fido leaves you a gift in the garden it is good for the plants; this can contribute heavily to the above mentioned Ring of Death.

Mistake five – Trees, once planted, are best left planted; think long and hard before digging that hole. Relocating can lead to Husband Hernia Syndrome and subsequent Wife Wait On Hand And Foot Disease. Neither syndrome is pretty, and very avoidable.

Off to bake the only cure for Husband Hernia – a large chocolate cream pie with an Ibuprofen chaser.