Friday, August 5, 2011

The Bucket Under the Bed

A large part of parenting involves gauging your child’s mood, habits and health. In the case of illness, one must realize the signs of impending ickyness and prepare accordingly. After a particularly vicious strain of stomach flu in 2008, we instituted the Under the Bed Bucket. (UBB)
I’ll spare you the graphic details, but everyone needs an UBB. Here’s how they work; take an old plastic bowl, we all have them – the Dollar Store specials which after a few melt-inducing spins in the dishwasher are no longer suited for public use. Tuck UBB’s under each bed in the home as a preemptive strike against vomit, they may not spare all late night linen changes, but at 3 AM when your child yells, “BUCKET!”, it’s much simpler to run and make the catch - kind of a maternal ESPN Top 10 Plays of the Week.
After this morning’s news I took the vacuum out for a quick spin under my son’s bed and knocked against his UBB – and a theory sprang to mind. What if UBB’s were part of a more wide-reaching purpose? In particular, Congress. (Yeah – you saw that coming!)
For the record, if I were the delegate seated next to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, oh boy, I’d be reaching under my mahogany seat for the UBB with each mention of his beloved pomegranate and fig trees. Really, he misses Nevada and his flipping fruit trees so much that expediting the debt ceiling debate seems a reasonable request? “BUCKET!”
Perhaps the so-called Super Congress could shuttle melancholy Harry back to Nevada on their magic Jet of Ridiculousness? Super Congress: oxymoron anyone? Big UBB gag trigger. What guidelines were used in selecting the Supers? Can they fly? X-Ray vision, become invisible? (That one I believe. Supers mysteriously disappear for controversial votes; strange how those coincide with election years?) “BUCKET!”
Ok – I could go on and on about the shortcomings of our elected officials, but there is only so much time I devote to frustration per day; one flip to CNN seems to hit the quota by 7AM. Happy Friday everyone – and remember, UBB’s are a parent’s friend and Congressional necessity!


Mindy McGinnis said...

I have EVB's - Extra Vomit Blankets. They come out when the vomiting starts to cover the real bedclothes, since there's always a spatter issue. Then the whole mess goes in the washer and we get a fresh EVB.

Kathryn Elliott said...

Mindy - splatter can be problematic. I'll give the EVB a try. :-)