Debut Do's and Don'ts

When trying anything for the first time, say..writing a  book, (wink, wink), the term debut is often substituted for more freshman terminology. While I have no aversion to the word’s core definition; a first appearance, there are certain instances in which I shy away from the debut-maker.

For example, pilots.

“Welcome aboard flight 732, folks. I’m your captain, John Newbie; this is my debut flight and I’m wicked excited!”

I’m out – rip open the overhead bin, grab the duty free Rum and run like Flo Jo for the emergency exit before Captain Newbie flips on the fasten seat belt sign.  Yes, I’m a blatant violator of any and all age discrimination practices – but it’s my bum in that seat, and Captain Newbie may be the King of Halo in his parent’s basement, but when my life is on the line, I’m seeking a more vintage – Patton-esque commander.

Same goes with doctors. It’s cliche, but be honest, Doogie Howser was a fluke! (And for the record, he rocks Broadway! Love my NPH!) I had knee surgery 5 years ago and as they prepped me for the OR I overheard my anesthesiologist in the hall chatting up a buddy. (Could not make this up if I tried!)  

“So, you think I should call her?”

“Yeah, man. She’s into you.”

“I don’t know, she was pretty lit when she gave me her number.”

Oh. My. God.  

Dr. Knock-Me-Out is more focused on hooking up than patching up! Tear off the paper PJ’s and get me the heck off this table! Debut doctor can pass his boozing bimbo a note during gym class – and keep his hands off my meniscus!

Not all debuts are disaster. Here’s a few I personally seek out:

Debut Ice Cream Store Employee = Heavy hand with the scoop. Yum!

Debut Cab Drivers = It takes three months to develop enough road rage to spark a death wish.

Debut DMV Worker = They don’t hate people, yet.

Pick your debuts wisely – and remember, we all wore the Newbie shoes at some point! Be kind to the new kid – unless your life is endangered, in that case, RUN!